Friday, March 30, 2007

Jahan nahi chainaa....vahan nahi rehnaa

Not really dukhi mann mere...but yes sun mera kehna...jahan nahi chaina..vahan nahi rehna
I resigned yesterday. Without any admits in hand yet. Without any other backup obviously. No, I have not quit yet. I get relieved three months from the day my resignation is approved. So, it actually is a long time.

Just that I let the bird in hand fly off, and will now wait for others in the bush. :)
Simply putting, even in worst case, when I do not get aid and do not go to US for studies, I will switch, may be in a real hurry. Whatever be the case, I guess even the worst will be better than coming to office daily and doing nothing. Nothing, that's exactly what I have been doing since last one month, no let me not lie here, since last 7 weeks or may be more. So, in a nutshell, if I am rusting, I should get the taste of the real world. I must struggle, I must fight to survive. That is what life is all about. Challenges and risks. And, I just accepted one. After a long time though.

It's been more than 20 months when I joined this firm. And, obviously I did not join to chat and orkutting all the 6 hours I am in front of the PC. The rest I spend by eating, chatting, drinking tea, frequent trips to the loo and using the office free local telephone. That's what I have been doing lately. And, I don't think I actually need to increase my typing skills by practicing chatting with four friends at a time. Nor do I need to know about every ones life by poking my nose in their scrap books and making up stories as to what might have happened actually which made them write those scraps. I did not do my graduation to excel in these skills. These I already had. And my company is just not making me what I am not and want to be.

I always thought I did not have a dream. That there were people who knew what they want from life, but I did not. I was wrong. I know what I want. Thanks to the company I am in, i know I do not wanna chat all my life. I do not wanna see orkut's blue page all through the day. I want to work. I want to use my grey cells. I want to live a meaningful and challenging life, rather than a slow, monotonous and easily earned one. It is so good to know that I had a dream all along. Now, having resigned makes me feel so strong and bold. I am not afraid of what may happen. I am just ready to take the risk. Risk that I have to take for my dreams to come true. This is definitely a small price.

Dreams do not come free
They charge you, your comforts your sleep
If it is what you want,
Be ready to face it all
Pack the luxuries and inertia, these you should not keep
Only let your confidence and hardwork accompany you
On this journey, and be what you want to be.

You have one life, ypou have one chance
You have this once, to prove yourself
Go, reach out, shoot
Put back all fears on shelf
Failure tastes better than regret.
Move it, whatever you dream you definitely shall get

Monday, March 12, 2007

rim jhim rim jhim

wow....rains always do sth to me...
I was half in depression after the news of my batch mates promotion was brought up again by a friend and half in frustration with my own job today. I could do anything but concentrate. All of a sudden when I get up, I see this fantastically hued red pink....awesome and by the time I have a cup of tea in my hands, I see its raining blissfully. AAh......its wonderful.......
Its amazing how rain washes away all the dirt, how it has a purifying effect on even me. It certainly gave me time to enjoy it fully....had I been very busy I would have missed it. It showed me the brighter part of my situation. Given a choice between sitting at computer and looking out of the window, I would never want that my choice should be the former.
rim jhim rim jhim
rum jhum rum jhum.....
wow evthing looks sooo enrapturingly beautiful :)

Wednesday, March 7, 2007


The world looked so promising
The people so happy and loving
I'd started planning my life
The ways I could bring evone a smile

Oh I couldn't wait to look in your eyes
God's form on earth, my dear mother
I couldn't wait to be in your safe strong arms
I hope I look like you mother

God sent me saying He had two angels
Waiting eagerly to receive me
You both couldn't wait, He said, to see me
To kiss me, to hug me, to love me

You must all be waiting for your little princess
To hold me abreast, wrapped in a beautiful dress
Aah! You cheated me! My own angels!
It never occured to me only a prince rules

The hands that wouldve fed me are colored
With my own blood..
But wasn't I the very same blood, your own part
Not a cancerous growth made to throw apart!

Could there have been a bigger betrayal?
I was a gift I thought, God was answering your payer
It needs to be redefined, this word mother
The one who gives birth could certainly not be a murderer

I was a bud, you could've let me open up into a flower
And given me a chance to see this world
I promise I would've spread fragrance every hour
Had you not crushed me under your power

Thursday, March 1, 2007

The Letter....

The print may have faded, the smell is still the same
The ink is still blue, there still is that name
In the same envelope, it still lies with me
The letter that he gave, will now go with me

Each time I read it, it looks as if he's there
Those tiny plump hands holding the pen tight
All his concentration on getting the spellings right
Writing it carefully deep in the night

He gave it on my bday, a letter of love
Of gratitude, of feelings, that a 5-yr old feels
Nothing had ever made me cry before
Unimaginable, the love that the 5-yr old heart conceals

Dearest, most beautiful mumma, I love you so muc
Don't you ever leave me, it says
I have asked God to keep us together
May we live in this house always

His mumma is still in the same house
God did hear that part
A busy manager lives down the street, I barely recognise
That 5-yr old still stays with me, in my heart

As I fold the letter back
I can't help but wonder
Why do children grow up
Why can't they be 5-yr olds forever?