Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Is there such a thing called "made-for"?

Am I made for this type of work or that? Should I have become an architect, or a chef, or a singer, or a painter, or may be a historian? Am I fit to be an engineer? An electrical engineer by degree, a computer engineer by work and none by knowledge. Was I meant to do this techy job or was I meant to do something more creative..

I've asked myself this question a hundred times, and the answer changes with a probability p which is directly proportion to my mood, mom's lectures and inversely proportional to my advisor's mood. I feel I have done something, but when I go to show it, it seems so small and petty and worthless. She asks for aaaaaaa, by the time I get it, it becomes zzzzzzz.

I don't blame her. The fault has to be with me. I never understand what she's asking of me. And I keep going downhill on the self motivation road, until I get tired, and see people all around me moving upwards. Then, I feel may be I am on the wrong track altogether. May be I wasn't meant to take this route. But since I know the sinusoidal curve of my mood is at a crest, whatever I think is half clouded by pessimism.

I sit there for some time, and then realizing I can't go down, I start moving uphill again. But, I still want someone to answer that question for me. I have promised myself that when I reach the top, I will try to find an answer to this question. I need to climb up to the top also, for that is my life's challenge for now. And, I do need to know, in time to be able to do something about it, if there is such a thing as made for, and if I was made for some job, I would really like to find it.

Friday, April 10, 2009

I recently heard or read an advertizement which has been ringing in my ears since. "They say if you do what you like doing, for a living, you do not feel you are working. And (said the ad guy) I have not worked in 24 years!"
And these days, I am thinking how true the statement is! Wisest of wise men must have said this!

I am an electrical engineer by profession, pursuing a masters (!!!!!!!) when I do not like the subject at all (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). And, I have to find a job next, the "have to" part is what worries me the most. I am begining a career forcefully.. Is this attitude going to take me too far? Why am I an electrical engg when I hate it so much! And now when I am 26, shouldn't I think about if this actually is what I will like doing all my life? And since I know it's not, shouldn't I start thinking what's best for me and what I must do for a living..

My room-mate and I were discussing why we can't get paid for what we like doing.. like listening to music... like cooking.. like acting.. like singing.. like I donno but something that doesn't rythm with programming

Thursday, January 22, 2009

calendar calendar
move ur butt
im sick n tired now
have to go home jhat pat

i luked at u for ages
n u moved bt a day
wat do u want in turn...
to just do as i say

im thinking wat i cud bribe u with
i know ur days love night..
bt if only i cud make nights come faster
these days wudnt b so much of a pain

i don have nething to give u..
u need to understand my plight
u mustve heard bout the sunrise n sunset in iit
its been 18 months since i got to see tht sight!

n ur brother in India, he hasnt waited for me..
i have to rush back home n see
all the changes that he witnessed n i did not
plz walk faster, plz, do it for me..

back there the streets must be busier,
and the malls, the better
my house got renovated, n i dint evn see a picture
do u think there is anything left that would still recognise me?

oh its been only 18 months! thts not an era!
im sure i havnt missed out on a lot
i hope my things are just the way they were..
atleast i hope..nothing changed tht i called mera

oh i wanna go back..i have my things packed
would dive straight into my moms arms, and hug her tight,
i know we'll be in tears..
and pat! in 3 days, we'll be back to our usual fights!!

plz oh please.. MOVE!
tick your way, to the 7th of feb
im dying to be back..
just how do i prove!

if my looking at u wr to make u go faster,
u wudve crossed the 7th deadline by now
if my begging cud do it, we wud b past 26th i know..
just tell me, what u expect of me..
n bang! ill do it for u honey!