Friday, November 30, 2007

beyond fear..

This girl wants to talk to me about the last project. And the current one. I have no clue what she will ask and what I must study. Even if I give a few hours to this, I am not sure I would be of much help to her. I can't pray to Bhagwan, as it was my own mistake in not keeping the track of what was going on in class...I've to leave in a few minutes and I'm just going to get crucified. I can't think much, just that I hope it gets over soon. As if it was an operation. But, I still wish I come out of it alive. Please God help me. This one more time, please please please please. I'm just relying on you Ma, you please save me. I know I should not ask You, and should have done some studying myself, but well, here I am again, begging.

Help me Amma.

Huh...I went and was waiting for her to turn up. She came late, about 11 mins late, when I had almost congratulated myself and written a mail to her saying I had waited and left. I had been praying all the while, before I went I had put vibhuti, the one that He has blessed..:)
It all worked for me. For the nth time in life, He saved me. She had a few questions I answered and a few that I did not know, asked Mainak and mailed her back. Man! I was so scared but did not want to show anyone, just wanted to avoid it and run away badly. It's over! God! What an escape! I'm thankful to the core.

Love You tonnes,
My Cutie Pie!

Friday, November 23, 2007

It's my Lord's birthday! :)

My dearest Lord,

Wish you a very very Happy Birthday!!!!

You give me everything I desire for, You surprise me with gifts I never demanded for, You are the provider, You the provided, What can I give You, when all is already Yours. Nothing, absolutely nothing, except may be my thoughts, my words, my actions, my desires, which are essentially Yours, but if I say I give them to You, they might be purified.

I love You tonnes, and have nothing to ask for, For you will give me the unasked, the undesired and still the best. Take care of mom and dad, and my brother, and my friends. May we all be nice people You can be proud to call Your own.

Want to hug you.....
love you lots,

Thursday, November 8, 2007

not meant to be?

Somethings in life are just not meant to get associated..they can co-exist, yes, but they just can NOT be together. There are trees that can't co-exist, one would drain away the minerals from earth leading the other to die..there are food stuffs and drinks that just can't be taken together. And then there are people.....

People who are on their own excellent beings, great friends and harmless individuals, but still when they come into each other's vicinity, they repel. Not just repel, the reaction is a strong exothermic one, like one that occurs when sodium and water react. BLAST!! The result would be the can't expect sodium to dissolve in just know they don't go together. People can be different someone argues..that they have brains and emotions and they adapt. That when we live in a society, it's not about individual properties, but about co-existing, and people do change over time. Sodium for example will never know what falling in love is..and love is something which when happens, makes all logic and reasonings sound dumb. It's beyond explanation, beyond arguments of why and's to be felt and experienced. So may be what is sodium today will become salt be ready to get mixed in water.

Friday, November 2, 2007

papers and more papers

I don't know where I am going. I look more clueless than anyone else around. And, I have a two yr working exp, if I may say, in Networking. I should then ideally stick to this area and not bother about what my intuition says at times. But, not only intuition, it's also my lack of confidence on any area that is making me wonder that may be I am in the wrong place. May be I don't belong here. Then the logical part of my mind, and my mom's taped discourses from my head, and more on phone, say that I can do it. There's nothing that I won't be able to do with Lord's support all along. (I can actually write more than half a dozen papers on my mom's motivating lectures)

I go to this thesis defense and the guy has more than 35 papers to his credit already and 10 under review!!!!! That too in 3.5 yrs!!!! What kinda average is that?! I mean he has published more than a paper a month!!!!!! Look at me here! And people say you shouldn't compare with others in grad school!!! Such people are there to motivate and inspire others. I'm like awestruck! He's smart I know, but this is a genius's work! I want to go upto that level one day. I may not be able to finish my PhD and MS in 4 yrs and I may not be able to publish those many papers in my grad life but I want to try do something that can make a new grad student look upto me and wanna be like me one fine day.