Friday, October 26, 2007

Looking Inside again....

I am not sure if I should do this introspection here, on the blog, or not. So, I might erase it soon. Anyway, I want to admit my mistakes. Well, not just mistakes, but real insensitive remarks I made against people who had been very helpful. I did something I would not want anyone to do to me. I am guilty and regretful. But, I can't go and apologize. I only have to make sure I do not do this in future, cause words hurt more than swords and esp. when coming from someone you thought was a friend. It feels you were cheated all along.

I was not very close to these people, but then they really helped me a lot initially. Just feeling that gratitude I should have restrained myself from saying anything against him. I mean, I will not go into what I said was right or wrong, but I should have had some firewall. I can't let all data that is generated in mind pass through my lips without any filter! When the same thing happened with me, I felt like crying. And, I felt horrible, sad and yes cheated. I felt in the disguise of a friend I had been talking to a monster all along. Well, when I did that, he must've felt the same. So, I just got what I myself had passed along as the token.

It;s only fair I would say that I was insulted the way I was. I'm not going into the severity of what I said and what I was told, but in essence, it's the same thing. God wants me to learn a lesson here. And, if I do not stop for a second and pay thought to it, I can keep repeating the same thing. I'm not a teenager! I'm a 24 yr old girl, who knows how life is led, who can manage a lot of things herself, then why can't she manage her words! Why can't she keep a hold on that tongue? It's worse than any other weapon. I just have to realize this.

Thanks God, for teaching me a lesson. I will keep in mind that You only wanted me to learn something here. I do not think lowly of that guy who was made instrumental in giving me something that I deserved. I do not hold anything against him, I will try not to I mean.

Love to my Lord,

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