Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Is there such a thing called "made-for"?

Am I made for this type of work or that? Should I have become an architect, or a chef, or a singer, or a painter, or may be a historian? Am I fit to be an engineer? An electrical engineer by degree, a computer engineer by work and none by knowledge. Was I meant to do this techy job or was I meant to do something more creative..

I've asked myself this question a hundred times, and the answer changes with a probability p which is directly proportion to my mood, mom's lectures and inversely proportional to my advisor's mood. I feel I have done something, but when I go to show it, it seems so small and petty and worthless. She asks for aaaaaaa, by the time I get it, it becomes zzzzzzz.

I don't blame her. The fault has to be with me. I never understand what she's asking of me. And I keep going downhill on the self motivation road, until I get tired, and see people all around me moving upwards. Then, I feel may be I am on the wrong track altogether. May be I wasn't meant to take this route. But since I know the sinusoidal curve of my mood is at a crest, whatever I think is half clouded by pessimism.

I sit there for some time, and then realizing I can't go down, I start moving uphill again. But, I still want someone to answer that question for me. I have promised myself that when I reach the top, I will try to find an answer to this question. I need to climb up to the top also, for that is my life's challenge for now. And, I do need to know, in time to be able to do something about it, if there is such a thing as made for, and if I was made for some job, I would really like to find it.

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